Regulation Is the New Self-Love
Self-Love
Regulation is the foundation of real self-love. Learn how calming your nervous system through small, consistent practices can help you move from burnout and overwhelm to sustainable energy, clarity, and genuine self-care.
At the beginning of the year, I decided to quit my 9-to-5 job to focus on my health and take my sleep coaching business to the next level. Even though I knew this would be a positive change, I was accumulating stress and unrealistic expectations about my new normal.
I was postponing meetings and activities to the end of my time at my now former job, all while making a robust plan for my business’s future. But when the time for transition finally came, I didn’t have the energy to do anything. Even making breakfast felt like climbing a mountain on a windy day. I was depleted—physically and mentally. I lost my appetite and the motivation to move forward.
How was this possible? I’m a sleep coach, and for the past few months I had been sleeping better than ever, eating healthy, moving my body regularly, finishing the stress cycle, and adding joy to my days—everything I suggest my clients do.
I knew I had to rest, so I planned a week off in advance.
That wasn’t enough.
Hustle culture was tattooed into my system. My nervous system dysregulation showed up in my life as excess worry, doubt at every decision, nightmares disrupting sleep, procrastination, a flood of negative thoughts, a stiff body, and a mind that couldn’t handle my new schedule.
Anxiety trickled in more often—quietly, persistently, almost unnoticed. I had been in survival mode for so long that I wasn’t aware of how dysregulated I was.
It took me a whole month to recover.
A Signal of Safety
In this transition, I remembered the most valuable lesson I had learned about time management: It’s not about how much time you have, but how much energy you have. And, I would add, how regulated you are. I believe regulation is the foundation of sustainable self-love. It doesn’t matter how much time, energy, or discipline you have; if you don’t feel regulated, everything will feel more challenging. And if you don’t love yourself, nothing you do to self-regulate will be enough.
Regulation means sending a signal to your brain, body, and nervous system that you are safe.
Feelings of stress, danger, or urgency trigger the sympathetic nervous system (known as the fight-or-flight response). When a signal of safety is received, your body switches to parasympathetic mode (rest and digest) to help the body restore energy and maintain long-term health.
Your internal systems want to help you, but they might be confused about what you want. For example, if you want more energy but are not exercising or eating healthy food regularly, the nervous system may become dysregulated because the body is trying to produce energy without the basic resources it needs (nutrition, movement, regular rhythms).
Most people see self-care or regulation as another tedious task on their to-do list. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Many positive outcomes can occur when you shift your perspective and see it as an act of self-love instead. Being attuned to your needs and prioritizing them becomes easier the more you nurture your mind-body-soul connection.
Taking Inventory
This nurturing connection starts with small steps. When clients come to me, they usually have developed positive habits in their lives but are not getting the results they want or they are experiencing burnout.
Together, my client and I acknowledge all the work they have already done and explore new ways to create a healthy balance in all areas of their life—physically, emotionally, professionally, and spiritually, as well as in regard to their personal connections and with themselves.
To take inventory, ask yourself or journal these 10 questions:
What helps me feel regulated, calm, and at ease?
What makes me feel loved?
What’s working in my life?
What worked in the past but is not working anymore?
What do I need to reconsider, pause, or eliminate?
What changes (positive or negative) have happened in my life over the past year?
What area of my life has been my priority?
What have I neglected?
What’s something I would like to try but haven’t, for lack of money, time, energy, or something else?
If I were to die in a year, what would I regret?
Your honest answers will help you shape your unique foundation of sustainable self-love—a regulation practice that feels easy, nourishing, and aligned with who you are, your lifestyle, and the things you enjoy.
Regulate and Surrender
Nervous system dysregulation is like living with your bank account in overdraft for years. The good news is that you can start rebuilding a positive balance by regulating your nervous system daily. Small, consistent actions create a powerful compound effect on your health—and on your relationship with yourself.
When you set yourself and your health as priorities, it doesn’t matter what comes your way; you will be able to manage it. You will create a neuro pathway that leads with resilience and teaches your body to self-regulate. Your body will ask for the moment of silence, the evening walk, or whatever it needs, rather than fight you.
The weather changes against all predictions, and so do our lives. Make time for rest, self-love dates, creativity, exploration, movement, and things that bring you joy. Surrender to your process, and allow yourself to be a beginner. You don’t need have everything perfect. So pause, cancel, or ignore anything that isn’t supporting your self-regulation.
by Monica Le Baron
